On the Road to a Hopeful Recovery

Photo courtesy of Astu Prasidya

So I went to my psychiatrist today. She said it is time to reduce my intake whether I like it or not. At first I was taken aback, and shocked. She wasn’t the sweet old lady that I’ve been seeing for the past two years today. I told her — hysterically of course, that I wasn’t ready. But she was fierce. She said those medications are dangerous for long-term use. And what slapped me in the face was when she said, “you will never feel ready if you keep on taking them. You need to fight it. Have some confidence inside yourself that you can be free from those drugs. Aren’t you tired of coming back here? Don’t you want to be drug-free?”

And I was silent.

I do want to be drug-free. After two years on drugs, I can feel that my memory is somehow degrades. it was quite sharp before. Now, it takes time for me to recall the five names of my favorite game — and I’m a hardcore gamer!

So yes, I want to be drug-free. No matter how.

After some drama and negotiation, I was finally able to made my psychiatrist prescribed me the usual dosage and amount of medications (there are four types, and according to her I have to quit three of them entirely). But she told me to get ONLY five capsules each for the forbidden three — so that I don’t feel anxious about not having them, and get all for the one she recommended.

When the prescription was already in my hand and I was heading to the door, I said, “hey doc, actually I can cheat and get all of them now,” with a smirk on my face.

She calmly answered, “yes you can. But this is now a battle between you and yourself. It’s your call.”

…

And I went to the pharmacy, got myself FIVE capsules each for the forbidden three, and all for the recommended one.

I have to win this battle.