I Almost Forgot

I almost forgot how good it feels to fully belong to someone
I almost forgot that I am worth to be someone else’s priority instead of their option
I almost forgot how liberating it is to call someone else’s ‘mine’ without having to think twice
I almost forgot how heart-warming it is to hear someone say, “of course I’ll show you off. You’re not my dirty little secret.” 

And that someone is you.

Thank you for coming into my life.
Please stay.

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This is Our Reminder

Whenever we feel like giving up, I want us to stop for awhile and remember this moment. The beginning of our journey.

Everything’s so great. We feel great.

We are always excited about each other’s presence, we are always longing to be in each other’s arms, we are always counting sleeps to our next meet up.

Being in a long distance relationship sucks. We’d jump on Skype or Facetime whenever we can, although sometimes we can’t even talk because we’re both busy with our daily routines.

But that doesn’t stop us.

Being able to glance on the screen and see each other’s face seems enough. Being able to wake up and see our internet connection doesn’t die on us the whole night is a joy.

We are always trying to make each other feel special, in our own way. Be it a cute reminder that pop up on our screen, a spontaneous foot massage, a loving back stroke, or a kiss in the hallway of a hardware store.

When we’re faced with tough times later on, when the rainbows start to fade, and the butterflies stop dancing, I want us to stop for awhile and come back here. To this beginning.

I want us to remember the moment when we knew our heart just click. That we actually want a future together. That we fall in love with each other.

I want us to appreciate all the effort and the hard work in making it happen.

I want us to remember that we are both terrified to get our heart broken again, but decided to take that leap of faith. Because we know it’s worth it.

We are worth it.

And most of all, I want us to remember that we’ve been looking for each other all this while, and we’ve finally made it.

Yes, we’ve made it… We’ve finally found each other.

Well done, us.

The Day You Screamed My Middle Name

After counting down our sleeps from seven days to zero, I rushed from my office to the airport where I waited impatiently to get on board. By the time I landed, it was quite late. I was tired, but so excited to see you. The queue at the immigration was unbelievable. Not happy about it at all. But whatever, I wouldn’t let this bothers me. I pulled out my phone from my bag, and got a No Service notification replacing my network bar. Great. Okay, wouldn’t let this bothers me as well. Focus on happy thoughts.

Decades later, I cleared the immigration and pressed the most unhappy looking Mr. Smiley on the small display they provided to rate their service. Yes, I wasn’t happy and I wanted to make sure I express myself.

By the time I got to the taxi stand, I freeze. The queue was even longer than the one at the immigration. Where are these people came from?! Gosh, my phone was still not working, the battery bar was turning red, it was past midnight already, and I started to feel really tired. Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts.

After what seemed like eternity, I finally got into the cab. Luckily my phone was still working so I could tell the cab driver your address.

When I got off from the cab, I felt a sense of warmth. Finally, I was just minutes away to get to see you again. As I walked around to find my way to your place, I could almost picture you flashing your perfect smile when you open the door. And I’d make my first step into your house, which I could only see through screen this whole time. There will be nice music playing on the background, and probably my favorite wine is in the refrigerator, ready to be served. And we would kiss and hug as we say how much we missed each other.

After wandering for quite awhile, I found the right elevator. As soon as I got to your floor, I spotted your unit number. It was quite easy. I dragged my suitcase and knocked on the door softly with a smile on my face. This is it. I’m finally standing at your doorstep. Butterfly was dancing in my stomach.

Within a split second I recognized your voice screaming. I moved my head closer to the door, and heard you spelled something. Hey wait, that’s my middle name! In high pitch. Okay something is totally wrong. So I knocked again, but you still went on and on with my name. And at that point, I was practically banging on your door, hoping you could hear it in between your five octaves voice and my attempt to get your attention.

Finally the door was open. And there you were, standing with a mouth open, looking as panic as a human being could possibly look, with a phone on your ear. You then mumbled something to the phone and hung up on whoever it was. One second later, “HOLY FUCK?! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! I SO WANNA KILL YOU RIGHT NOW!!!” You were screeching.

I stood there, baffled.

Errr. Okay, the reception wasn’t quite what I expected. Not to mention you haven’t even opened the grill door yet.

As soon as you snapped back from your trance, you opened the grill door in a rush, and hug me really tight. You were sweating, shaking, and your heart were beating so fast I could even feel it.

“What was that about? Who was that?” I asked as soon as we finished hugging.

“I was calling the hospital.”

“WHAT?!”

“Yes, and before that, I called the airport, and also the immigration. I was worried… It’s been three hours since you landed, I couldn’t reach you, I was losing it!”

And you hugged me again. Tighter this time. It made my heart melt.

Well, I wasn’t thrilled about the part where you wanted to kill me, but honestly, it was the sweetest thing a person could ever done to me. No one has ever made so much effort in calling the airport, the immigration, and the hospital just to track me down.

At that moment, I knew I’d be safe with you.

And just so you know, I love that feeling.

Crossing the Universe

Somewhere in a parallel universe, I wear your ring, you wear mine. You nag at me for being so messy, and I sulk while trying to organize the chaos I produced. Yes, we still fight – or having arguments, as you always put it, but not the kinds we are having now. We still have insecurities, but these too will be different ones.

We’d cuddle in the sofa numerous nights as you watch your series about the pilot wives thingy while sipping your tea that I made for you. Two table spoon of sugar, dip the tea bag for five minutes, and stir longer than mine.

Around 10 or 11 we’d go brush our teeth and head to bed. We’d kiss good night, and you will read your books while I play my online games before we doze off.

Somewhere in a parallel universe, our life is different. We love each other fearlessly, we are each other’s priority, and I get to see you in your glasses.

There is one thing that stays the same, though.

We still cannot resist each other.

Things I Don’t Write

Photo Courtesy of thousandofdaysforyou

Photo Courtesy of thousandofdaysforyou

My post today will not be about how wonderful it is to be able to spend time with you, nor how special it was for me.

This post will not be about how lovely you are, nor how comfortable you made me feel.

And although I could describe how nice your scent is, how warm your hug is, and how kissable those lips are, this post will not be about all of the above.

No matter how true they are.

Teenage Professional Adults

Blurred my name on purpose

disclaimer: blurred my name on purpose

Today I got a pleasant surprise from you. As if you already knew how terrible today would be for me.

I had endless meetings here and there, hardly eaten anything, terribly dependent on coffee to kept me going. And by 5PM I was already tired, in my worst mood, and super cranky.

Until I went back to my place and saw something on my desk.

A bouquet of beautiful fresh flowers.

My initial thought – that came across my hazy mind, was that someone must have mistakenly put that flowers on my desk. And then I saw the red card. With my name on it.

I was stunned. No one has ever sent me flowers. Yes, in my entire existence that is.

I rushed off to open the card, half panicked half excited because I didn’t know who the romantic sender was. The first thing I saw was your initial. Come to think of it now, I guess I read it the wrong way – bottom to top instead the other way around. But who cares? My endorphin levels skyrocketing to the roof. Nah, the roof is not even high enough.

After unsuccessfully composing myself; read: hysterical, I texted you to say thank you. You were pretty cool about it. How I wish I could read your mind at that exact moment.

“I am a person of action.” I remember you said that in one of our late night conversations. And today, I am impressed. Not only that you are a person of action, but also a person of your word.

And wow… how lucky I am.

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Yet another restless night. Thoughts are running wild, images starting to flash. One by one they turn into frames. Frame by frame they turn into a movie. A bad movie.

I’ve always thought that one day I can slip out and fly away. But days had turned into weeks, weeks had turned into months, months had turned into years. My heart betrayed me. It refused to listen. I wish I could just rip it off my chest and throw it into the trash.

So here I am, sipping on a cup of tea at 4 AM, still waiting for my wings to grow. And I feel like giving up.

The clock is ticking. I had to quit you.