Here’s to the Fighter Out There

Today has been a really sad day for a lot of people, me included. When I learnt about Robin Williams’ death on the radio on my way to the office, I was stunned. Moreover when the announcer said it was a suspected suicide – and later she added; he was struggling with depression over the years.

I got very emotional and heartbroken about this. Not only because Robin Williams is one of my favorite actors, but the cause of death is very upsetting.

I know too well about depression and what it can do to people. I had been struggling with depression for a few years. Although I am now on prescribed meds and still go regularly to my psychiatrist, it is still not easy.

Some days, I would find myself on the bathroom floors, crying for hours for no apparent reason.
Some days, I would feel normal.
Some days, I couldn’t even bring myself out of bed.

Just last year, I tried to commit suicide. Some say suicide is the most selfish act that one could do. But for those people who have never experienced depression will not understand that for us, it is almost impossible to control our mind when that demon strike us. We just want to end the suffering. We just want the voice inside our heads to stop talking. To stop mocking. To stop telling nasty thing about us. Having a depression is like being in a roller coaster ride that doesn’t stop.

While currently I could function properly — most days, my life still depends on those little pills. I don’t know for how long, but I will try not to think of it and keep going.

For those who are still fighting the same battle as I am, keep fighting. Don’t give up. Conquer the demon and get your life back.

And the most important thing is, you are not alone.

Rest in peace, Robin.


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