Rumi’s Lover

You were appear insignificant at first. We talked on and off, sometimes it was just a hi and bye. Nothing special about it.

One day you had a short business trip here, and we agreed to meet up for dinner. I wasn’t expecting anything, neither were you. It was just a casual dinner between two people trying to pass the time. Nothing more, nothing less.

You looked a bit shorter than I thought, and you thought I was supposed to be shorter than you – which I’m not.

Five minutes later, we were quoting Rumi. You were surprised, I was too.
“You like Rumi?”
“Are you kidding me? I love him!”
“Wow! I’m feeling lucky”

And we talked some more. You had a terrible flu, and your voice was almost non-existent. But I managed to understand what you were saying in your cookie monster-y voice. We were completely immersed in the conversation, interrupted by spontanious laugh in between. You are one of the most funniest people I have ever met. I ticked the funny box for you.

And I started to notice you had a contagious smile. There is something about the way your lips curve when you smile. It made me want to smile too.

Few hours later, the waiter told us the restaurant is closed now. And we looked around, and sure enough, we were the only people left. How did it happen? Where did the time goes? Did it play a trick on us?

We then rode a taxi back. You drop me off to my place first, kissed my cheeck, and wave from inside the taxi. I mumbled something about you having a safe flight tomorrow, and wave back.

It was a significant night.

But I Want to Tell You First

No matter who you end up telling a good or bad news to, the first person that came to your mind is the person who mean so much to you. Although you might not able to share it with that particular person for some smart reason or silly ones, that person, that particular person still hold a special space at the corner of your heart.

Here’s to the Fighter Out There

Today has been a really sad day for a lot of people, me included. When I learnt about Robin Williams’ death on the radio on my way to the office, I was stunned. Moreover when the announcer said it was a suspected suicide – and later she added; he was struggling with depression over the years.

I got very emotional and heartbroken about this. Not only because Robin Williams is one of my favorite actors, but the cause of death is very upsetting.

I know too well about depression and what it can do to people. I had been struggling with depression for a few years. Although I am now on prescribed meds and still go regularly to my psychiatrist, it is still not easy.

Some days, I would find myself on the bathroom floors, crying for hours for no apparent reason.
Some days, I would feel normal.
Some days, I couldn’t even bring myself out of bed.

Just last year, I tried to commit suicide. Some say suicide is the most selfish act that one could do. But for those people who have never experienced depression will not understand that for us, it is almost impossible to control our mind when that demon strike us. We just want to end the suffering. We just want the voice inside our heads to stop talking. To stop mocking. To stop telling nasty thing about us. Having a depression is like being in a roller coaster ride that doesn’t stop.

While currently I could function properly — most days, my life still depends on those little pills. I don’t know for how long, but I will try not to think of it and keep going.

For those who are still fighting the same battle as I am, keep fighting. Don’t give up. Conquer the demon and get your life back.

And the most important thing is, you are not alone.

Rest in peace, Robin.

The Infamous Request

We were laying in bed one evening, holding hands as our eyes gazing at the beautiful city lights from the window. Miles Davis was playing in the background.

“You know what, I don’t want you to need anyone else. I want you to need me.”
“Well, I don’t need anyone else anyway.”
“But you know that I can’t promise you anything, I mean… I don’t know if I can love you. Are you okay with that?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“You’re kinda crazy.”
“No. I’m kinda stupid, and you’re kinda selfish. But I love you.”
“Right. Just please don’t need anyone else but me, okay?”
“Shut up and kiss me.”