The Furballs

Image taken from the net; my wallpaper for months.

Image taken from the net; my wallpaper for months.

I miss my cats.

Or should I say our cats? Nah, I don’t think you’d like it.

Okay, your cats then — although I don’t like it.

See, this is the thing about separation. Much as it affects people’s life, it surely also affects the pets. I remember reading something about separation anxiety for pets.

I probably would strike you as someone who doesn’t care about our cats (your cats — geez, would this get any easier?), but the truth is, I do care. I sometimes dream about them. Yes, I never call or even text you to ask how they are, because I don’t want you to misinterpret my intention. I don’t want you to see it as an act to get your attention or anything. I respect your decision, and you still remain as a very good person to me.

What I did for the past few months is to avoid watching video or even look at anything related to cats on the web. I just can’t. It hurts.

But today, it was different.

I was babysitting my 1 year-old nephew, and he has a huge interest towards animal especially cats and lizards. Okay, the latter scares the hell out of me, though. Anyway, his face always lights up when he plays with my phone and see the picture of those two cats I had as my wallpaper — yes, it’s still the same picture, I haven’t change it. So in the spirit of being a great aunty, I decided to open youtube and for the first time after moths and months restraining myself, we watched tons of cat videos.

He was laughing tremendously, I was faking it.

It still hurts.


Road to Recovery: The End of Week Two

Photo courtesy of Astu Prasidya

Photo courtesy of Astu Prasidya

So, it’s been a bumpy road.

Well, no. It’s been a bumpy road and while I was at it I fell asleep and had a nightmare. Yea, that’s more like it.

My withdrawal syndrome on the first week was merely physical. However, during week two the nasty evil strike me mentally. Paranoia: check, anxiety: check, depression: check, suicidal thoughts: check, severe loneliness: check. What did I miss?

I am however, still alive. I only took one pill from ‘the forbiddens’ because I really couldn’t stand it any longer and was really on the edge of my breakdown.

Now I’m on to my week three. Things are still not getting any easier yet, but I know I’ll survive this as well.

One step at a time, that’s what I keep telling myself — and you should too if you’re fighting your life to be free from drugs (prescribed medication in my case).

One step at a time.